i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
