i think my tv is drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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