I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
