i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
