What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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