The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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