fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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