I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
