When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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