You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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