First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
