Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
