Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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