my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
