I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
