Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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