sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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