So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
