3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
