Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
