her vagine was all disorganized.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
