One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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