New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My balls are so social today.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.