I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize