I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.