Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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