Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.