I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad