I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
