Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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  (202): I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants. (202): ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up. http://tfl.nu/3a4d
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (954)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST

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  (703): fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST http://tfl.nu/btab
  Replies (46) Good night (940) Bad night (733)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again

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  (231): So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again http://tfl.nu/75wq
  Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (814)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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  (703): one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day. http://tfl.nu/f2q9
  Replies (16) Good night (1425) Bad night (3483)
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  (925): View more from California

  i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them

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  (925): i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them http://tfl.nu/sgsu
  Replies (10) Good night (794) Bad night (2980)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

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  (414): I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours http://tfl.nu/ud9t
  Replies (27) Good night (6259) Bad night (1688)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it

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  (615): Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it http://tfl.nu/48wy
  Replies (10) Good night (1097) Bad night (3361)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.

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  (613): Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here. http://tfl.nu/o8um
  Replies (8) Good night (3969) Bad night (720)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.

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  (352): I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern. http://tfl.nu/54kf
  Replies (16) Good night (3878) Bad night (928)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.

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  (256): The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire. http://tfl.nu/a418
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (2315)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person

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  (541): I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person http://tfl.nu/p4il
  Replies (11) Good night (2305) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND

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  (215): OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND http://tfl.nu/fivf
  Replies (23) Good night (1776) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....

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  (210): Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers.... http://tfl.nu/sake
  Replies (10) Good night (1352) Bad night (727)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.

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  (423): I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. http://tfl.nu/bl1t
  Replies (5) Good night (634) Bad night (242)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The uberlube is also flammable

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  (585): The uberlube is also flammable http://tfl.nu/uc5d
  Replies (4) Good night (253) Bad night (353)

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