I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
