I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
