the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
