At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
