morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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