sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
