I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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