youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
