when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
