based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
