And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
