she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize