literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
