Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
