he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
