I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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