so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
