Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
