Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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