dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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