He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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