My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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