drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
