my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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