"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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