You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
