I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
