He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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