Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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