My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
