he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
