I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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