when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
