There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
