my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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