I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
