I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize