i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
