I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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