my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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