oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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