You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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