Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
