the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
