I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
