Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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