I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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