Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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