is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
