All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
