I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
