All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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