Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
