you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
