thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
