Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
