New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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