Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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