me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
