Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
